One of the guys.

Last night I went out for a BBQ at young couple's house, where the husband works for one of the European embassies! To be honest I had no idea what to expect, thou when I pulled into the yard and saw 10 nicely lined cars with CD plates, I looked at my jeans and decollete and got the msg, that I might be a bit out of the place. Bottomed up my jacket and marched into the garden.

And yeah, it was filled with kids, families, ambassador and the whole embassy staff. Luckily for me, it was super casual and people seemed very laid back. Got myself a drink, tried to mingle. Accidentally met the ambassador's wife, who turned out to be Colombian and spoke beautiful Spanish. Thou very soon my attention was dragged to the group of guys, where I knew at least two out of the 4 - my friend I cam with and the host. The other two turned out to be - househusband Argentinian gent, who recently moved here to follow his wife and a Irish - Serbian UN staff member, kind of drunk... like most Irish after 8pm on Friday!

Few hours latter, we were cracking jokes, talking economics and comparing the distances to our homes. Of course I meet some of these ppl for the 1st time, and they know each other. And just like all drinking - mates, they have inner jokes and code language. When they were about to reviel their codes, I sort of said - no need, for me to know it all! And the Serbian sort of looked at me with a smile and noted: "Oh, come on! You are one of the guys!!!"

And as welcoming and nice it might have sounded, he also did point out to the fact that I haven't joined or even met either of the housewives seated around the table, rather I am mingling with people by the bar, mainly working husbands and few working wives. And while it is cool and great, I just realized that I have set myself yet another challenge - to be the rare woman, feeling confident and comfortable among men. [And then there is that little silver line..between me being me and being seen as myself, and me being seen as single girl in the wrong crowd trying to flirt].

And weirdly enough, even in a European setting... there is the whole gender division and roles attached. Since I guess the expat community comes with expectations, that 80% of the cases its the woman that sits home, cause she is not allowed to work abroad and joins the table, where you talk about recipes and childcare! I can do it all, but I much rather talk about international aid, money devaluation, economical growth and travels.  Cause it feels that once you sit down by the table with the housewives... its hard to get back into the group by the bar!


...while being one of the guys is cool, its also a bit disturbing. Am I not loosing my femininity? Inst being one of the guys de-feminizing me? Am I still seen as a woman by the traditional sense? Or have I entered the place, where I thought I wanna be - among the guys/ the big players?

Ps. Thou.. they also say that males around you, bring out the femininity in a woman!

KFC in Accra

Ghana is a fast developing country, in fact some say that Nr 1 for right now in Africa. [Everyone has their own source of statistics - I can only speak from what I see, its growing in front of my eyes!] And while there are plenty of areas where people live in mud huts and have no electricity, or for that matter clean drinking water, there are skyscrapers being built, private jets and KFC!

Yeah, some people speak of development by the amount of American junk in the country [Latvia still has a long way to go, as to my knowledge we only have 5 McDonalds restaurants in the whole country as of today. The other franchise restaurants are European aka local.]. So Ghana finally has one and McD is on his way, some time next year! For my taste buts I would also love to have Taco Bell and Starbucks would be ok too - at least for their real wip cream! :) heheh

So anyhow, what is KFC ment to be [apart from overpriced junk food restaurant!?]? Its supposed to be FAST food restaurant, right!? Well in Ghana they have managed to kill that bit from the concept totally! :) Its FAST food restaurant by GH standards, which really is...slower  that when my granny makes 3 course meal!!!

Today, all I wanted was their cone ice cream! I got in a line with ONE person in front of me. And there are two people behind each cashier, which makes [I counted] 12 people in the area of about 4m2. I am guessing - about 2 or 3 of those people have an idea of what da fuck they are doing there and/or what it means to THINK and do! [Sorry, but poor client service really upsets me! Thx u, mom, by the way!]  So not only it took the guy 4 times to check and reorder the order that the guy in front of me asked for, but it also took him 3 questions to really make sure I want just an ice cream!!!

I guess....this will be one more place where I need to drink before I go there! LOL [another one is Immigration office] Or not eat the ice cream... OR send my driver to get me my ice cream! LOL

And yeah, I might be a spoiled brat and arrogant westerner, but when I am paying a price higher than in UK or USA, I do, at least, expect to get the product and service that should be included in the price! I wouldnt ever go at a street stand like this. Those ones...its either their way [gives enough timed to read like 4 pages in your book] or the high way [you go hungry]!  As simple as that! LOVE IT!

So yeah - let me take you out to KFC! :)

Marriage? No, thank you.

"People always fall in love with the most perfect aspects of each other’s personalities. Who wouldn’t? Anybody can love the most wonderful parts of another person. But that’s not the clever trick. The really clever trick is this: Can you accept the flaws? Can you look at your partner’s faults honestly and say, ‘I can work around that. I can make something out of it.’? Because the good stuff is always going to be there, and it’s always going to pretty and sparkly, but the crap underneath can ruin you." 

— Elizabeth Gilbert (Committed: A Skeptic Makes Peace with Marriage)

Everything happens for a reason in our lives. Everything happens exactly when it was meant to happen, down to the point, that you pick up the book you bought months ago, exactly when you were in the place, where the book was talking at you.  There are no 'accidents', at least that is what I believe in.

We end up studying what we end up, and even if we never ever worked a day in our chosen career, I bet you learnt something from those years at university. We move to places, where we are now and we are there, cause we were ought to be there. And we meet random people, cause every and each of them leave a mark in our lives.

So things happened and I met  Elizabeth Gilbert's book 'Committed', that I had been wanting to read for a year now [but I guess I wasn't in the emotional maturity and stability to do so].  It feel along with the time, when I have been hanging out with a group of married people. And just like 'healthy' organisms try to push out  or 'make healthy' the bacteria, my married friends in all their love and care for me, have been pointing out that I should get married, so that I can be much more included in their lives. [Like that is good enough, stand alone reason to commit for something for your entire life!]

Ever since I remember myself, I have wanted to be a mother. I have day dreamed, drawn pictures, dream maps... Me and many children around. Me and my child on a trip. Me and my child visiting my parents. Me sending my child to school... And nowhere in that picture I ever saw a man. He was in a very different picture. Me and my man. And I guess that just shows how rooted in my consistence is the fear of marriage, which is quite often associated with husband=father role. It's me looking for alternatives, trying to figure out how can it all work, so that I still stay me, but I have the two core characters in my life - my man and my child(ren).

And it's refreshing to read Gilbert's book and know that there are other people that feel like that too. It's refreshing to meet along  my travels people that feel that marriage is not the only alternative for happiness, and it's damn cool to meet people, who since centuries have been raised that it is the only way for happiness. They  make me challenge my choices, and by doing so, I become stronger in my arguments and more sure about my choice - marriage is not the ultimate goal for happiness!

Happy, healthy partnership, children, common dreams..all that is my happiness. I am happy and proud to be someones girl-friend, life partner, rather than a wife... Unfortunately, not only the role of stability and social status comes with it, but also sometimes the 'pity', that your life is all done and sorted. That you live by expectations and have a set role you have to fill... At least, that is how I sometimes feel about some women, when they state that they are so and so wives.

I once experienced, how personality, things that make me 'me', were taken away from me. How I lost my Ediitness. And I am not saying that it is what happens in marriages [but often it does, cause people expect to become one after the marriage. But they are not - they are still 2 separate people, with own pasts and futures, who have met in present and are sharing the road fwd], nor am I am pointing that it's what is going to happen in my marriage. I am simply saying that I have worked too hard to become Ediite, and have no intentions to become someone's wife.

And while the women of my family still often claim that they experienced their best years being married [even thou 90% of them are divorced now] and do once in a while ask me the magic question.. they also do not want me to make the same mistake and have a different life. No, not less happy, just less painful. Less delusional, a life where I also live for myself.

For God's sake - I still hope one day celebrate my love with that ONE MAN and promise to walk with him till the end of the world, carry his children and wake up next this one person every day for many, many years to come. It just doesn't mean he has to be my husband, I would much rather want him as my friend!

PS. And quite frankly speaking this my youth's idealism, might come running after me and bite me in the ass few years latter, as I walk down the aisle... but then again - NOTHING HAPPENS WITHOUT A REASON! :) 

Three Men in a Boat

Last Sunday, as unusual as it might sound, I found myself alone on an island with 2 men, I had gotten to know only few days ago. An Muslim IT engineer, who was fasting and Polish born German anthropologist, who researcher long distance commute in Africa.




There was this one episode, where I am lying in a hammock under a palm three in a deserted place, once a resort, another guy under a palm three few meters further and the third one swimming in  the river, under a hot Sunday sun! We called it the pleasure of 'nothingness'. For some two hours, we were listening to the ocean in distance [this is sort an island, between a river and an ocean on each side], swimming in the river and catching the rays of the sun [which turned out to be sticking to all of us more that we had anticipated - I turned in to RED RED by the close of the day, and two days latter am still heeling my skin!].




So the last weekend we headed off to Ada Foah for a weekend away from the city and into a local festival, whilst also enjoying some wild adventures - huts, sands, beach, boats and tro tros! Needless to say, that I no longer take tro tros, thou that does not mean that I cant take them anymore. Thou now I do see why my friends, how live here for some years, think that it is a bad idea. Tro tros can really kill you!

Rainbow religion aka my way of saying RELIGIOUS DIVERISTY

Yesterday I had to speak about the lessons I have learnt during my GAP year in Ghana [yeah, it looks like this is my Gap year, so far the best description for the time away in Ghana], and apart from the self discovery I have already described in some of my posts, I have also learnt a lot about the religious diversity we have in the world.

Back in university, when I was surrounded by people all around the world, I guess I was still a bit too young to dig the whole religion diversity card. I am not sure, I am ready to comprehend it all now, but I am certainty doing much better than 4 years ago.

For some of my world traveling friends, the religious diversity is as normal as for those living in UK, where you can see a mosque, temple and church on the same road. In Latvia, I am not sure we even have a temple and the only mosque we have, is well hidden in some 3 room flat, in Riga's suburb, as far as I know. Having been raised as atheist, where nobody ever talks about God, it is as interesting to discover everyone's diverse view on religion and how people speak to God, what God means to them.

I am not shy to say that I am new to this, I am still discovering my religion, and learning about other religions help, as it lets me to compare and use other religions as reference points. When I first moved to Ghana, I got to learn about the local people's relationship with God, their practices, when their masses are and what are the believes they share. How they morn and how they celebrate birth. Then there was a rapid insight into Muslim world, their believes, celebrations, foods... [One can argue that many of these things are more linked with culture than with religion, none of the less, culture is often very influenced by religion, especially that in the case of Arabs and Muslim religion]. Then  there is the Hinduism, which I never thought I would find here in Ghana, yet have been learning more about India now, that ever before [THX to my wonderful teachers]. And then there is also the tip of Jewish religion, that I am being introduced to...

And just like I was once pleasently surprised by the fact that you can get gluten free food in UK restaurants, I am plesantly surprised how religious diveristy is respected in Ghana. The knowledge who eats what, when and how, it's all being celebrated. At least in my diverse crowd of people, where we all join in for dinner after dark to share a meal and celebrate that day!

Life is too short to fight diversity, rather it shall be celebrated!

Today is day 2 in Ramadan, and I have a whole new respect for Muslims. I am proud I have learnt more about their religion and culture, to understand rather than judge. This year in Ghana has definitely thought me that!

Happy Ramadan, people all over the world!


To finish off, let me share an inspiring blog I found a few weeks ago:

Bon, I guess this post goes in line with the first tip I gave to a friend who's fasting in solidarity with her Saudi friends - which, I think it's really admirable and fosters mutual understanding across religions: Figure out what you're fasting for/towards. As with any productive venture, you need goals. What are yours? Hope you have a blessed Ramadan! Massalama my friends :)