This week I hooked up on the TV series 'Being Erica', where a young woman gets the chance to go back in time and change her regrets, certain things she did, which then influenced her life in the present. Thou the moral always is that, reliving the moment, we would still be making a mistake - maybe not that particular, but something along the lines - cause human essence is inborn. So she keeps popping back and forth between her past and present, and really the only thing is that she learns through reliving her moments in past, is how to not repeat the same mistakes in present.
No wonder many people believe that we need to be knowledgeable about history in order to not repeat the same mistakes. But really... look around, how many of us do it!? Don't we all make the same mistakes over and over and over again, till we learn the scenario by heart and start changing it little by little?
For a long time I believed that once the change happens, it all has to be GRAND - brand new! New place, new people and new me. I guess, I didn't accept myself the way I am and didn't see too well the person I can be. Despite all my self-confidence from the out, I was lacking it from the inside. And it is not easy to admit failures [oh, and believe I do have them ] or if I did - cause I did it, I felt proud about it and I guess I never really analysed them much. I just rushed over them and tried to put them behind, without learning from them...
[ Psychologists say that is something people, who experience their parents divorcing at an early age, goes through latter on in their lives.] And while there are thousand ugly things in my past, there are also million beautiful things there, which all together have me the person I am now.
And my journey is not over at all - I still do not know who I am or who I will become one day. But I am much more confident - in and out -, happy and 'together' person. I try to learn from my mistakes, but yeah... there are still times, when I..slip. :)
We are never too old to learn. To change.
This time - I am not running, I am sticking with the same country and making it work with the same people. It is not always easy and all clear, but who said life is easy! :) Just like families change shape over the years, so does life -it constantly changes, and only by loving these changes and keeping up with them, accepting them - we live!
Today I will change. I will walk to lunch! :)
